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“I love this commercial with the little boy in the towel and his father…….but it makes me mad that we think it’s so “cute” as opposed to it being the norm…..why cant the notion of black fathers spending time with their kids be the norm? Why is it deemed so much more special?” from @imanadero via twitter.

I Thought It Was Normal………

It’s funny for the majority of my life I grew up with both my mother and my father both in the same household and when I told some of my classmates that I live with both my mom and dad, they looked as if they were shocked. I thought it was the normal thing to have both parents in the same house with you. The older I got, I started to notice that a lot of (african american) kids did not grow up with a father in their house. I started to ask myself, “why is it such a beautiful thing when you see an African-American family”? I think it’s because the media and bitter african american women (yes I said it) have painted a picture that African American men do not respect or value of what it is or means to have a child. So now you have the issue where anytime that you see a African American man with his wife and kids you think yourself as an African American “awww thats so nice”, where as you see a white family you don’t say anything because its normal for you to see that. It hurts as a African-American man to see that it has come this where people are shocked to see that an African-American man actually takes care of his kids and does right by his family. Its gotten to the point where we as African-American men have become the villian in todays society against our own women.

chris rock

Nobody Tells Daddy Shit!!!!!!!!

In Chris Rock’s stand up Bigger and Blacker he says,”see nobody gives a fuck about daddy, there’s some real daddies out there……..there’s still some motherfuckers that handle their business”. Now after reading that quote I think to myself that statement couldn’t be more true and he said that back in 1999. The fact is the media and researchers want to drum up statistics about how many black kids grow up without a father in their life, or the percentage of black men that leave their woman after she gets pregnant, but they neglect how many black men actually handle and take care of their business or the number of black men that actually believe that family is extremely important to them. That’s not what makes good television or good news and magazine articles, the ones where they are talking about their no good man who took advantage of them and left them to fend for themselves after they had 2 or 3 kids thats what makes good media. The coonery out shines the quality thats why it’s not normal when you see a black man with his family. I’m not saying that we need credit or we need a stamp of approval to let us know when we are doing a good job because a real man doesn’t need any stamp of approval but I wish that they would stop making it look like black men are only good for going half on the baby instead of taking care of his responsibility.

single black mother 2

“You Can Drive A Car With Your Feet That Don’t Mean It’s Supposed To Be Done”

The quote I just used above is again from Chris Rock’s Bigger and Blacker. Now the reason I chose that quote is because another problem is some women actually WANT to be a single parent (yes i said it). You watch all of these feel good stories about how through adversity and through it all you had the courage to stand up and say you are going to raise your kids alone and you don’t need anyones help. You see these Tyler Perry plays and movies and see how black women pull through anything (which is a desirable trait and i love it) and you get the notion that you don’t need a man so the 1st time a man slips up or does something you don’t like, you leave him and say you don’t need him, making your own struggle and your own fight a lot harder when actually the man wants to be around and take care of his responsibility. “You can drive a car with your feet that don’t mean its supposed to be done”. You don’t need a man, and you don’t have to put up with anything that you feel you don’t need to deal with, but on the same token you have to give the man and the situation a chance before you say you don’t need him.

At The End Of The Day………….

At the end of the day there are way more black men who actually take care of his business and who has a family than black men who don’t take care of their kids. Family is just as important to us as a black woman the problem is we do not get the attention that we are supposed to get because you want sell more records, get more ratings and sell more magazines and newspapers. A black man feels as though family is important and dear to us. Having a child is carrying on your legacy. After you leave the earth the only thing that you have is your name, and to me as a black man I can’t wait to let my son and or daughter to carry on my name with pride. I am positive that other black men feel the exact same way I do but we are not the ones that get shown on television (exclude the cosbys, family matters and the Fresh Prince) we are the ones women say don’t exist anymore.

black family



  1. Same problem. People used to be surprised when I told them my entire family (mom, dad, and siblings) ate dinner together every night. Every night. They thought I was lying when I said my mom cooked dinner for us and we sat around and talked about our day.

    “At the end of the day there are way more black men who actually take care of his business and who has a family than black men who don’t take care of their kids”

    I wouldn’t put money on that just because I don’t know the statistics but I’d be pleased to know if that was true.

  2. I’m actually in the middle of researching why blacks have lower marriage rates (relative to other races) for my sociology class. One of the reasons that I found is one that you addressed in this post about black women feeling that they can do everything on their own and that they don’t need a man in their lives. If he was no good, why would you be with him and have kids by him in the first place??

    I also grew up with both my parents and siblings, but marriage rates are declining not just within the black community but in general. One reason is because of higher divorce rates. It is so easy to get divorced. Personally, I think because some people have the mentality when they go into marriage that if it doesn’t work out that they can always get out of it.

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